my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
