She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
