I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
