chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
