Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
