oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
