Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
