She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Someone signed my nipple.
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