i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
