Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
