Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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