I wish life had little blips of pornography
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
