im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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