I don't think brook has ever known best
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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