o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
