Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
