No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
