i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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