This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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