why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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