My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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