Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My life is pants optional.
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