PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
