If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
