I met the friendliest cop last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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