he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
