dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
