I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
