Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
