Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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