Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My cat gives me a boner
No subtext here. People are naked.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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