Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
