I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
