No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
