You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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