it hurts more in the daytime
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
