He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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