well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
