and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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