im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
