Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
