i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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