u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
