two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
