I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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