Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
