Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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