i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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