just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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