She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
