I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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